Winning the Handshake War

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Everyone has participated in a handshake. It's one of the thousands of rituals designed by society over the epochs, smoothing our interactions with other humans at every stage when you don't know what to do. Meet someone new? Well, poke out the hand. This is the understood manner of introducing yourself.

Something to keep in mind is that people are judged quite a bit by the quality of their handshake. It's part of your first impression -- part and parcel of the overall image you are presenting; grooming, posture, and language. So if you offer a bad handshake, it's going to damage your credibility. Pay attention to the handshake details, and use your discretion to modify the method in accordance with the situation. For instance, take care not to overdo it when offering your hand at job interviews, to possible mother-in-laws, or actually, any member of the weaker sex. Basically, avoid doing most of what follows below.

But between men, like anything else, a handshake is a contest of wills, a way of arranging order; Alpha Male vs. Beta Male. At all times, as a man, your goal is to win the Handshake Battle.

The following is the definitive how-to guide to develop a handshake worthy of a king.

1.) You want to be the person initiating the handshake. By making the first move, you are boldly asserting yourself as the man in charge of the situation. And control of all situations is what you want. Make eye contact (which is a sign of aggression and dominance, the impression you want to leave), and thrust your hand forward with power and authority.

2.) The handshake is executed so that the web between your thumb and index finger meshes securely with the web of the other person's hand. It is pitiful to stop short with your shake, ending up grasping the fingers of your target. Only old ladies with names like "Agatha" do this. Ensure proper form by driving forward with the forearm, stopping only when your hand locks with that of the other person. If you are stopping short, you are betraying defensiveness to the other man. Lock hands, and if possible, pull the person toward you physically, as an exhibition of your reserves of strength.


The guy on the left is Scott McNealy, CEO of Sun
Microsystems. See how he pulled the other man close
to him for the photo? Also, he's got his hand on his
shoulder. Everything about his body language says,
"I'm the real man here - I own you, bitch."

3.) If you suspect you will be in a situation where you will be handshaking, make sure your hands are clean and dry. It's a good idea to keep a napkin in your right pocket for this, so that immediately prior to the shake, any moisture collected on your palm will be wiped off. This is incredibly important -- if you are desirous of projecting an image of power and control, damp hands indicate nervousness, weakness, and fear. There isn't much worse than a damp handshake, unless it's...

4.) A limp handshake. It's the worst impression you can make. Stiffen your hand prior to insertion, and maintain your strength throughout. But there is also another, better reason to apply this method during handshake interactions: During the shake, it is common for the opposition to attempt to squeeze your hand in an overt display of power. If you go in limp, you will probably be unable to overcome that pre-emptive squeeze, and, pathetically, be forced to submit. It should go without saying that this is a complete embarrassment. So the way to overcome this, again, is taking the initiative. Overpower the quarry with a crushing gorilla paw, underscoring your dominance.

5.) The last rule of handshaking is subtle, but very important. The iconic handshake in photographs is usually depicted as two hands meshing at an equal, almost karate-chop kind of angle. You need to understand that real handshakes almost never end up that way; someone was dominant, and somebody wasn't.

So for the final testament to your total mastery in the handshake exchange, rotate your wrist prior to the shake so that your hand ends up as the one on top; this means that you stick out your hand "king" style; that is, as though you are allowing a serf or some similar lesser person to kiss your ring. This is kind of what the Pope does, actually. If necessary (that is, if you have initially grasped the other man's hand with the equal "karate-chop" starting position), twist the hand over during the requisite "double-pump", concluding the interaction with no doubts over who owned the situation.


Look at Dubya's "I'm on top" hand angle.
He knows the rules of handshaking.

Win little battles like these, and you'll win the war.