Internet Handles

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So just now, my buddy is trying to come up with a really cool internet tough-guy name to use for his online identity. I was so frustrated with his continuous suggestions that I finally grabbed a dictionary to come up with a name for him:

Me: Okay, how many words do you want? (flipping pages)
Buddy: One!
Me: (finding page, and pointing randomly) Okay, here's one. Hmm, it's two words: "Hansen's Disease."
Buddy: What's that?
Me: It means, "leprosy."
Buddy: I want a different name.

He's been wasting more time on this than an 11-year-old girl. And since he's doing it at work, I can calculate to the cent how much money he's "earned" so far trying to figure the problem out. Let's do that:

Based on the time of his first email on the subject (12:43), he's used 34 minutes of work time on the project so far. I'll give him the benefit of the doubt and assume that he's now decided on a name.

This buddy earns $51,661 per year. That's gross pay - for our example, we won't consider any deductions.

Divided over 52 weeks, this amounts to $993.48 per week.

It's $198.70 a day.

This buddy works a 7.5 hour "work" day. That's 450 minutes.

$198.70/450 = .44 cents per minute he gets paid. Multiply that by the 34 minutes, and my buddy just got paid $15.01 to dream up, "Lubber" as his ultimate internet name (he just sent that suggestion to me).

"It's the Middle English word for parasite," he says.

No shit.