Thursday, September 15, 2005

Bless You

I'm allergic to dust, so when I opened the file today - it was dusty - it set me off again.


"Bless you!"


"Bless you!"


"Bless you! My goodness!"

The lady on the other side of my cubicle is one of those older busybody types. You know the kind - they always want to tell you about what their stupid kid is up to. Like, no matter who you might be talking to in your cubicle, she likes to barge in and offer her two unwanted cents to your conversation, inevitably steering the conversation towards something her son did. She has one of those interrupting, intrusive personalities, the kind I dislike most.

And she always "blesses" me when I sneeze. And since I sneeze a lot during the day, I'm getting blessed a lot.

Why? What for? Also, what do you do when you are "blessed" after you sneeze?

At first, I'd offer a grunting, "yeah, thanks," whenever it happened (to suggest to her I don't really want or need any post-sneeze blessing), but Busybody Lady never caught on. So now I just ignore her when it happens. Even someone more accomodating than me would inevitably arrive at this strategy after a while, especially when you sneeze dozens of times a day.

Seriously though, cut it out. Don't bless me anymore, it's stupid. Also, I don't like the reminder than I can be heard doing my business inside my cubicle. Pretend it didn't happen, for crissakes. What happened to discretion? This woman though, I have the feeling she'll always do it. It makes me wonder what she would do if she heard me fart in there, which also happens sometimes. Does a fart merit a blessing?

At least she doesn't say, "Gesundheit." Many people don't know this, but if you say "Gesundheit" after a sneeze, what you're saying in English is, "I'm a Nazi!"

So the next time somebody says, "Gesundheit" to you, give them the death stare and say, "I am not a Nazi, thank you very much."

I think I'll tell Busybody Lady I'm Hindu, and that her blessing offends my religion. I'm afraid to say anything though, because she might start rattling on about her son, and then I might be forced to strangle her.


Blogger Bottle Rocket Fire Alarm said...

When people sneeze, I always want to say "Elvis!" But then I would have to explain that it's a nonsensical substitution for "bless you" or "gazoomtite."

(I'm not doing the proper German spelling of that. Can't bring myself to do it.)

5:59 PM  
Blogger Wino McHackenpuke said...

I feel stupid saying "bless you" when someone sneezes, so I often say nothing, leaving the other person feeling even more awkward during the silent moments when they wipe their hands on their jeans.

In fact, I wouldn't say "bless you" in any other circumstance, so why it considered normal for people to say it after someone has fired spit and snot from their face at a hundred miles an hour?

When someone sneezes I think we should act digusted (because we are), and say something like "You bastard!"

2:18 AM  
Blogger Gina E. said...

Love your blog, Argus - discovered you via links on others blogs..I know exactly what you mean about people that keep saying 'bless you' continually. Once is enough, if at all. I think your suggestion of farting is excellent. In fact if I was in your office situation, I would buy one of those 'whoopee cushions' and sit on it several times in between sneezing. That would surely have the desired effect on your office neighbor!

12:43 PM  
Blogger Dante said...

wait... are you hindu?

1:19 PM  
Blogger punkbandaid said...

everytime she caughs you can be all lame ass and say robitesim...

2:23 AM  
Blogger transience said...

missed reading you a lot. hope you're fine wherever you are. and happy new year's!

7:47 AM  
Blogger Bottle Rocket Fire Alarm said...

Hey, you're online again! How is life?

5:57 PM  

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