Bea Arthur: Nude?

Bea Arthur. She'll beat your ass.

Well, my experiment in posting links to racy photographs of Kirsten Dunst met with some decent success. Blog traffic increased a smidge, and I got the intrinsic joy of having the face of Dunst gracing my blog, if only for a while.

But someone left a comment (aughra) suggesting that I might attract even MORE viewers if I were to post the photographs of another elusive celebrity. I thought it over, and decided she was right. Aughra, I made it my mission to find scantily-clad images of your favourite leather-lunged Golden Girl, Bea Arthur!

[As an aside, I'm certain by now that she's a Highlander in disguise. Immortal, can't be killed. She's on my celebrity death list, but unless someone decapitates her...well, she's still going to be "Old Bea Arthur" long after I'm feeding worms. Just a hunch. There can be only one...]

A quick Google search proved fruitless, ("Bea Arthur nude naked") because the period when she might have desired naked photographs of herself occured prior to the invention of the camera. I do however have extensive Hollywood contacts, so I called in a favour. A man by the name of Ludwig Highhat owed me large, so I rang him up:

Highhat: All right, I got what you asked for. Man, you are crazy, seriously.

Me: Never mind that. I've got the money. Where do you want to meet?

Highhat: Christ, don't talk like this on the phone. Let's get a coffee at Starbuck's.

Me: You're going to bring it though, right?

Highhat: Goddammit, what did I just say? I didn't hear anything you just said. See you there at one o'clock.

Me: Great! I'll bring the cash for the handoff.

*click*

Anyway, Highhat didn't disappoint. At the coffee place, I nearly lost my lunch when he brought out what I asked for. Luckily, I remembered I left it under my chair.

"I never like to buy the food here, it's way overpriced," I said, digging into my baloney sandwich.

"Whatever, man. You got what you asked for, so now we're even. See you around," he said.

I could hardly contain my glee at what I now owned. Probably the only risqué picture of Bea Arthur in the entire world, and it was all mine.

So here, I have a world exclusive, and I'm giving Fast and Dumb readers the first opportunity to take in Bea in all her glory, a quick look at a celebrity so secretive, it's rumoured she lives on Marlon Brando's island. It's a chance that nobody else on earth has had - before now.

Enjoy, everybody.

Click here to see Bea Arthur!!