Christopher Walken is Awesome

My favourite actor is Christopher Walken. In my opinion, he’s the coolest motherfucker in motion pictures.

Picking a favourite movie actor can be a divisive subjective exercise. For instance, there are always people willing to anoint DeNiro or Pacino as their personal favourite actor, relying on classic films from 20 years ago as the basis for their choice. I roll my eyes when I hear those names, because those two guys have been mailing it in for 15 years. Others will pick Johnny Depp, because of the arcane variety of the movie roles he’s chosen, from offbeat B-grade movies to Disney blockbusters. Still others will choose an icon like Schwartzeneggar. Brad Pitt, Tom Cruise...these guys are all good in their own way, but none of those pampered pretty boys have the appeal for me that Chris Walken does.

[You’ll notice that I didn’t include any women in my little breakdown here – without trying to sound masochistic, I know that no women are ever included in any basement “best actor” debates. The only time they are mentioned at all is if they are particularly good looking, and that’s a fleeting trait. And that’s just the way it is, I’ll make no apologies for it. Men rule the movies, and that isn’t going to change anytime soon.]

But back to my pick, Walken has been something special for me ever since I saw him in The Shining when I was a little kid. Nobody else has the Christopher Walken face. You know the face I mean. That creepy, fishbelly face that stares at you like a backroom mannequin. Those dead eyes bug out at you and you wonder what the hell is going on inside that mind of his.


It's all in the eyes.

“When Chris enters a room, he makes babies cry,” an actor said of him once. What an awesome quote, and I totally believe it. Just look at the guy. The few times he smiles, I understand right away why he doesn’t do it – because it makes your skin crawl. When he smiles, I bet a puppy dies someplace. But why is all this a good thing? Because it means he’s a believable actor. His image, what he brings to a movie, is instinctively understood and immediately recognizable. There is a certain credibility in having Walken appear in a movie. All he has to do is show up, and everybody expects something uniquely "Walken" to happen.

And it doesn’t matter to me that some of his movies have gone down in history as some of the cheesiest of all-time. “McBain” comes to mind for me on that one. Or that the vast majority of his appearances have been bit parts and supporting character roles. Some of those supporting roles are some of the best-quoted pieces of pop culture. It’s in the way he says things. Nobody can deliver lines the way he does. Think about Pulp Fiction, when Walken appeared in a scene entitled, “The Gold Watch.” His only part in the movie was explaining to Butch how he stuffed a watch into his colon for four years so he could deliver it to him. I’ve met people who know that speech off by heart. “He'd be damned if any of the slopes were gonna get their greasy yellow hands on his boy's birthright.” That’s right, baby. Anytime he’s in a movie, I sit on the edge of the seat, waiting for him to speak, because I’m expecting a howler of a line I’ll imitate for weeks.


He put it the only place he could - up his ass.

Which brings me to another testament to Walken’s worthiness as "favourite actor": everybody who loves movies has a Christopher Walken imitation they haul out at parties or use with buddies. It means a lot for an actor’s appeal if he is lampooned everywhere from Saturday Night Live sketches to people’s living rooms. Imitation is the sincerest form of flattery.

Don’t forget the Walken Hair. The guy’s hairdo has looked the same – screaming up from the sides of his head like he just woke up – for the past 25 years. It’s absurd and iconic enough that Conan O’Brien wanted to talk about it one night on his show. Nobody else has hair that strange. But it's so strange it's cool. Know what I mean?

And to my surprise, I've read that a lot of women find the guy attractive and sexually appealing. With all the great qualities I listed above, he's a chick magnet as well? And it gets even better - he can dance like Fred Astaire.

If he was in politics, I’d probably vote for him. And that’s even considering the fact that he’s cast as a creepy bad guy 99% of the time. And in spite of that, a hilariously funny guy. He’s hosted Saturday Night Live a half-dozen times, each time with his signature style.

Yeah, it's a no-doubter.

Favourite. Actor. Ever.