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Wednesday, June 29, 2005

Heat

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So far, this June has had more days 30 degrees or higher (86 Fahreneit) than all of last summer combined. Fourteen so far, and today figures to be the fifteenth.

Too hot to do anything. Surely too hot to add anything creative to the old blog. I spent yesterday growing red as a ballpark hotdog on a local beach, relieving my flesh periodically by wading out into the water and plunking myself into the drink. Too hot to swim, too, I'd just sit there neck-deep while the sand swirled into my shorts. I dragged a football out there to throw around, but even that was too much for me. A splashing preschooler grabbed it while I wasn't looking:

Kid: Hey, want your football back?

Me: Sure kid, pass it here.

Kid: (evil cackle) Go get it then! (throwing the ball in the other direction).

Me: Why, you little bastard.

His Mom: HEY! Don't talk like that to my son!

I drank litres of water, juice, and Cokes, and made one trip to the bathroom all day. Luckily I have the week off to rest like a Mexican in the shade - but what happens after that?

I read that in all of recorded weather history, no June has ever been the warmest month of the summer, so I'm guessing there will be more furnace-like days in the weeks to come.

It's feast or famine up here in the Great White North. Only a few months ago, I was wearing three layers of clothes for the trek to work, braving -30 weather conditions. Now, I've worn the same battered pair of swim trunks every day for a week. Hell, what do I need to take them off for? Anytime I get too hot, I just jump in the river, so showers are no longer necessary.

I did succumb to a shave yesterday, though. Beard hair is even more intolerable when you're sweating.

8 Comments:

Blogger Wino McHackenpuke said...

What's even more distressing are all the sun-bleached skulls that are laying about. I think they're affecting the property values.

Ah well.

2:24 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

It's so hot, I could barely support you by clicking on your banner ad. I notice that they all deal with drug addiction. Is that because Wino comments on your blog?

5:47 PM  
Blogger Bottle Rocket Fire Alarm said...

Same conditions here in Illinois. I find it glorious.

6:36 PM  
Blogger Blake said...

I would have had no idea what 30 degrees C was in Fahreneit if you hadn't done the calculation for me.

Blake

1:08 AM  
Blogger Perfect Virgo said...

I find Farenheit is much hotter than Celsius. I love to divide by 5 multiply by 9 and add 32, then the day feels noticeably warmer. The UK is baking right now and I too have the week off work!

Those bleached skulls are becoming a nuisance, we're knee deep in them over here...

3:35 AM  
Blogger aughra said...

I live in Mi, so, close to Ontario, and I have been experiencing the same weather. My yard is full of weeds, because it's too hot for the grass to grow, and too hot for me to be outside picking weeds.

You should shave your balls, too. Helps with the heat.

10:11 AM  
Blogger Wardo said...

Bottle Rocket: It's glorious so long as I have a place to swim nearby.

Blake: I relied on an online conversion calculator.

Virgo: Yes, Fahrenheit seems hotter because the numbers are bigger. Beats me why they arbitrarily decided 32 was the freezing point of water, though, and 0 means nothing except, 'really cold.'

I forgot to mention that it's humid up here, too. The air has weight. We are told on the Weather Channel that it's from the Gulf of Mexico. How come it doesn't float up here in the winter?

Aughra: I'm not sure that that getting rid of my bag hair would help much with the heat. Thanks for the suggestion, though.

-A

10:41 AM  
Blogger {illyria} said...

your intimations with heat are priceless. but i get enough high temperatures here at the equator.

12:19 AM  

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